For the last 3 days I have been sapped of strength and energy to the point that it's been a struggle to open my eyes and get out of bed. I've spent more time on the couch than on my feet and my family has watched me struggle with simple tasks. Myah finally saw some of the reality of my situation as I fell in the kitchen while Tami was in a lesson and I was trying to dinner together. She handled it pretty well, but I have noticed that she's hugged me more than she usually does since then.
I've had to take more time off work this week than I was expecting, which is hard because I have a project that is in danger of falling behind if I can't get there this week. I hate to take so much time off, but I don't know what's happening with my body right now and I just can't do it. It's hard to look even half a day of work in the face when it takes your wife standing next to you and helping you to sit up just to get you out of bed.
Needless to say, it has been a very demoralizing period for me. I don't feel like I can contribute in any way and that I'm placing a much larger burden on my family. I'm also having a lot of pain in my abdomen again. Pain that had gone away for a while. This can mean many things, but for someone who has very little will to fight right now, it just means that I'm getting sicker. This does not bode well for my emotional state. I've been holding back tears for days. Sometimes I can't. Two days ago, I was stuck on my bed while my parents waited to see me downstairs. I just couldn't see anyone. Thankfully, I pulled myself together and finally came down before they left and got to spend some quality time with them. But it was a struggle.
I had to go back to a previous blog that I wrote about not letting myself be sick (here) to provide some inspiration on how I can get moving this afternoon. I have yet to see if it works, but I'm determined to try. My goals for this afternoon are to fold laundry and find some way to get moving. We'll see if it happens.
I'd like to end with a little positive witticism like I usually do, but I just don't have it in me right now.