My cousin has named my cancer Sophia. She's a real pain in my ass. To be more honest...at the moment she's a real pain in the abdomen. Butt I like the pun. (giggle)
Sophia has taken so much from me. My ability to eat right, breath right, drink right, sleep, think clearly...well, I could go on butt that wouldn't add value at this point. She has also begun to take away my massage chair. I think that this hits me more in the emotional department than anything else (at this very moment at least).
For those of you that know us, you know that we have an additional family member that stays in the living room and helps us get trough all of the long days. We just call it "The Chair", but my mother has affectionately named it "Darth". (Due to the black leather and compressor sounds as it kneads your calves and butt.) When the pump went out earlier this year we freaked out. First world problem I know. Butt seriously...we were pretty upset. So we found a way to fix it and all was right with the world again.
When I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago it had already gotten to the point to where I couldn't sit through the automated routines. Too much rocking side to side. Since then I've been able to do just straight up back massages. When my body contorts for much of the night, the chair is my only non-induced salvation. This evening, as I sat down for a much needed 20 minute rub down, Sophia reared her ugly head and gave me the finger. I had to reduce my full back rubdown to just shoulders.
When you have issues with your liver they poke you a lot. They poke your front, they poke your sides and they poke your back. If you've been following along, you know that my pain comes from the protective coating surrounding my liver. As the tumors grow out of the surface of the liver, they protrude into the coating (which is under stress anyway, due to the increasing size of my liver). Up to this point, I hadn't had any issues with my back. All the pain has been limited to my front. Sitting down in my bastion of relaxation this evening, I felt a sharp pain each time the rollers passed along the right side of my mid-back. So much so that I had to stop and readjust to have it limited to my shoulders only.
And piece by piece, Sophia takes. She's a greedy little unwanted house guest. Butt I don't intend to let her take everything. She can't take the love that I feel for my family and friends. She can't take the prayers and thoughts that are streaming my way on a constant basis. She may eventually take my physical freedom, butt she'll never take my spiritual and emotional freedom. Those I hold too dear.
So...fine...I'm slowly losing my massage chair for now. It's a small price to pay. I'll be back to full massages someday. I'll also be back to bike rides and pool parties. And wings. :)
See how many times you can substitute butt for but in a written work without someone commenting this week. ;)