- It was my birthday, so I officially made it to 36
- I went to work for almost an entire day! While there I:
- Unpacked a server
- Attended a meeting
- Opened a couple tickets to improve a workspace that we have
- Made some headway on a project that was waiting for me
- I ate OVER my (self) allotted 2055 calories for the day (sure it was only by 27 calories, but OVER!!! W00T W00T)
- In a single sitting I ate an entire ItsaBurger. YUM!
- I took the day off to "observe" my birthday (long story and I'm too tired)
- Helped Tami with something important (not an invalid yet...not by a long shot)
- Put together a stand for side tables (repeat the invalid comment here...)
- Went to a Genetics appointment
- Celebrated my birthday with my wonderful family and my amazing parents who brought roast beef and Italian asparagus
- Capped the night off with a piece of red velvet cake
It also gives me a welcome distraction from the ever present reality that is battling it out in my abdomen. When I'm at home "resting", I have way too much time on my hands and far too many reminders that I'm going through some serious shit right now. The unknown is plentiful, so being able to take part in an activity that gives you some solid ground to stand on is remarkably rejuvenating.
It's good for Tami too. Let's face it...I'm not going through this alone. My wife has borne the brunt of the late night feedings and repositionings, the almost constant coughing and moaning that plague me when I'm prostrate for too long. This lets her live her life...without me in the background or in the passenger's seat. That's my hope anyway. To give each of us an oasis in this big, arid desert full of tumors and poison and bad news. We need some time to heal each day and I intend to keep this up as long as humanly possible.
I didn't meet my calorie goal today, and I don't care. Close does count in this game. It counts enough for me anyway. As long as I feel good and I'm still on my feet, I'm going to strive for my goals, but I'm through being disappointed when I miss them by a sliver.
I was going to post about my genetics appointment...but I've decided against it. There are some really interesting things there, but very little helpful information and not a lot of hope for anything more useful on the way. So, no point unless you're a stats professor.
I got what I asked for for my birthday and I'm going to use it first thing in the morning. A nose and ear hair trimmer. Yup. There are some truly epic things growing out of those places and I've decided that you're never too young to tidy them up. I forgot to order the other thing that I wanted for my birthday. A chemo shirt. Yes they exist and yes they look like awesome sauce! So I intend to do that before I nod off for the night.
Cuddle with someone/something special tonight.
* In reference to my atrophied rear-end, this is something I'm really bummed (giggle...bummed...he he), but super motivated about. I've always been very proud of my butt. Firm, well-shapen and highly grab-able. Indeed, it has been the object of desire for many and a source of envy for many more. And it's almost gone.
I noticed last week that sitting on a hard surface was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. It felt like my sits bones were coming right through my skin. I didn't make too much of it at first but then I caught a sideways glance of myself in a full length mirror just before getting in the shower this morning. I was shocked, horrified and confused. My beautiful bum was flat as a board. (Hanging head and sobbing slightly) But what could I expect after nearly a month of incredibly limited movement? It's like I'm one of those guys they pay to spend a summer in bed to study the effects of space flight without actually sending someone to space. But I'm not getting paid for this. *sad face*
I say that it's a super source of motivation because I refuse to let this one go. I will get it back, starting tomorrow. Each day that I feel well enough I am going to walk stairs and spend time on my recumbent bike (in a trainer in my office). Those are sure to get my blood pumping and my muscles building. Yes, I will overdo it and Tami will help me recalibrate and we'll do it again. Remember, I have a new set of limits every time I wake up. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they suck. I'll work with it though. And I will get my butt back.